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AMALIA
Twenty. That's all you need to know





Friday, May 7, 2010 1:21 AM
Moved


Bye blogspot, hello onsugar.
Bye onsugar, hello blogspot.
Now, bye blogspot again, hello onsugar. Fickle.

Now click. http://faliaandamz.onsugar.com/.


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





Thursday, May 6, 2010 1:03 PM
Red mat


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That's very much like me. I have no mood now. I refuse to eat, I refuse to hydrate myself, I refuse to do anything other than watch Kid Nation.

It felt good to talk to Att yesterday. Really good. Although the both of us were exhausted, we sat and talked before I head off for training. I got the call which would change my life starting from next week. I got my dream job.! Att practically screeched and the school girls near us laughed at us. So happy that my fingers were trembling. Caught my breath and called my parents to tell them the good news. When bf came, he gave me a dull reaction. Something that wasn't at all expected. :( But I know he's proud of me. Now smile again. :)


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





Tuesday, May 4, 2010 2:28 PM
Sex & the City
























Found this on Adee's blog but she just burst my bubble by saying she only got this from tumblr. Chey.! I thought she really watched Sex & the City. I watched that part before and I laughed laughed laughed because I have so many fucking guy friends and I don't fuck them. Ok, that's kind of weird because I just used 'fucking' and 'don't fuck' in a single sentence.


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





Monday, May 3, 2010 10:58 PM
Law of defamation


Defame
–verb (used with object),-famed, -fam·ing.
1. to attack the good name or reputation of, as by uttering or publishing maliciously or falsely anything injurious; slander or libel; calumniate: The newspaper editorial defamed the politician.
2. Archaic. to disgrace; bring dishonor upon.
3. Archaic. to accuse.

Libel
–noun
1. Law.
a. defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form other than by spoken words or gestures.
b. the act or crime of publishing it.
c. a formal written declaration or statement, as one containing the allegations of a plaintiff or the grounds of a charge.
2. anything that is defamatory or that maliciously or damagingly misrepresents.

As far as I had paid much attention from Media Law at school, we had been defamed. Tell me if it's fair for someone to be so heartless and typed those words down for the public to see.? A libel was published for the public to see. You know, you know you could reach us but you chose a negative way to express your anger/disappointment. In my term, it's called confrontation. I'm waiting. If you're not happy with something I posted on my blog which I hadn't used to defame you, then talk to me. Somehow, find me. My blog should be a tool for me to express and I used it well. Even I feel foolish for replying to such comment this way because I am now being childish, just like what you did awhile ago at your own space. If I did not mention any names or even hints that might trigger my readers' minds to whom I was writing about, how is it fair for you to drag somebody else and mention who and who on public's domain.? How fair is that to put someone down like that when none of us deserve those kinds of attention. The way I blog, none knew who I was referring to. If they happened to be a passerby, all they could think of was me bitching about someone; girl friend, foe, neighbour. But you, clearly and willingly typed out those words, and you knew we would see it. However, you failed to see that not only us, but the whole bunch of users could read it as well and all they would do was to tell us about it. I don't blame anyone for writing such things because I myself wrote things. If I had to, I would apologize but like I said, I wouldn't mention things if others did not initiate it. In fact, I said quite a few paragraphs that I did not even mention an identity. I just don't favour people writing stuffs that could or would tarnished someone's reputation. That's not being a human being.

If you're really a good person, solve it the nice way. I could give you 101 reasons why I was upset about your blog post. Don't assume to what I had came up with. In fact, read between the lines, reflect on what you did to trigger things.

Once again, I hope this post could open readers' minds about defaming others online. I had enough of this shit. Feel guilty if you must for writing like that. Everyone should know who you were referring to since it was clearly stated. On my part, I forgive. I don't know about the other person you embarrassed. If you don't have the slightest guilt, then there should be something wrong there.

"Smile at those who gave you shame. They'll eventually learn."


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





3:28 PM
Quickie.!


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Heh.! My laughing pills. I call them the Bujang Lapok. They won't leave me alone. See me on MSN, chat.! See my face, tease me.! I sit, they also want to sit. I eat, they say I fat. How.? Ibu bought popeye's for all of us since Kencop aka Md. Ridwan's brother craved for it. Sometimes, I scratched my head and asked myself how did I turn out to be so friendly to everyone except ______ .?

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Been spending so much time at Bedok CC everyone is getting annoyed. By everyone I mean my friends, my family and my boyfriend. It's ok. It's the last week of training for Sunday's Mega Perdana Semis.

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& thanks to the iTouch, the de-stressing tool. Aniway, watching the latest ep of Glee made me cry especially when Mercedes sang 'Beautiful' by Christina A. Love the lyrics.

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly it's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, feel so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today


& then Glee never failed to introduce me to great numbers. Like 'Fire'. Ok, now I'm being annoying by repeating 'I say I wanna be alone. I say I don't love you but you know I'm a liar. Cause when we kiss oooh...Fire, fire!'

Laptop lag lah.! Still 43% exporting.


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





Friday, April 30, 2010 3:02 AM
Out of control


I am very much possesive when I know that someone is trying her best to ruin my relationship. She may be doing it subtly but she's ignorant enough that things can actually go haywire if she continues to be fucking selfish. I feel like confronting her. Should I.? Even my boyfriend is annoyed with her because she's really drawing attention from all of us. I hate it when boyfriend gets angry because it makes me want to punch her button-nose face. I knew her intention from the start and I've kept mum to save her arse. Oh, she just went too far lately. I told you not to push the button. Haven't you got any shame.? You still have the link on your page. You don't have any relationship with them anymore. In fact, I hear them criticise you. You're lucky enough I'm filtering this because you can just look to the left and find out how many people will be reading this. Just what the fuck do you want from him now.?! I'm being nice. One more time, and you'll receive a long fb message from me. Stop bothering us. :(

---

I said I was ok with him going clubbing. I thought it was ok so that when it's my turn, he would give me the green light. Then when I tried to shut my eyes awhile ago, it hit me. While he's in there, I'd probably think of him being around ladies in black short dresses all night. Now, another sad face. Ok go.! :(

I never ever ever want to control his life for now. But I'm allowed to have a say since his life is going to affect mine, no.? For God's sake, I'm not his wife. Let him be.!


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





Thursday, April 29, 2010 12:44 PM
Sorry, what was it.?


If you have the courage, I dare you not to filter anything but upload the real picture with the real name under the picture.

Disturbed by people who associate themselves with cartoon figures.


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





11:42 AM
Att's blog


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The five of us with Aishah Vera.

(DEE FOUND THIS ON ATT’S BLOG. SWEET.!)

And what the hell… Suddenly I’m close with these people. And last December, we didn’t even know each other. In fact we even judged each other.

These people are Amz, Dee, Fit, Des. And Att of course. But ignore Att, she’s pretty boring to start with. Owh, how we met? Acting workshop. We were selected to be in a drama which has already ended it’s airing on TV.

First impression of

Amz- yah, I’ve seen her on TV before, many times when I was a lil’ kid. She was a kid actress you see. and I used to be her fan. Like HAHAH. Shuddup!

Des- I thought she was some confident person. And despite her size, she’s really pretty in a way.

Fit- hot minah rep.

Dee- awwwww. okay. she’s the prettiest among all. And no. I didn’t have a crush on her because at that point of time I was still with bf and my guilty feelings towards girls almost vanished.

Att?- Des and Dee thought she was seriously annoying and acting cute all the time. HEY! That’s not nice kay..

It’s funny how we came from totally different backgrounds and can get along so well. Owh well.. My mind is teeting again. I just don’t know what important things to elaborate on further.

‘Til then, buhbye… =)


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





Wednesday, April 28, 2010 12:07 PM
Baby Chak


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Cute right baby CHAK.?! Introducing Adam Shah. I think that's the right spelling. Ain gave birth to him so that makes him Md Ridwan's anak sedara. Well, I was at his cousin's place for a birthday girl's party. Unfortunately, the birthday girl wasn't in the picture but the Dad was in it. Hehe.! There.! The one carrying the toddler beside me. The picture was just taken to mock my height but I still dote on the people in the picture and I'm meeting them this afternoon for a group study.

It's funny how I said I won't do things in the past and then I am doing it right about now. Like for example, I die die won't meet any of my boyfriend's family members. Give it a year. Now.? This is not even a year and I am enjoying the good treatment they are giving me. Thank God.! I couldn't help but think if I had given them a good impression of myself. I was being myself all this while and I thank my parents for bringing me up right.

Oh, and I wanted to burst into huge laughter when I saw him grimaced at the thought of taking care of babies with diapers. He was even scared to hold such a small baby in his arm. Men.! Not that he hated babies. I think it hits him that he's still young to be carrying any diapers in a bag, and controlling his wife's temperamental issues at the same time.

---

If this helps, this goes out to someone.

It doesn't matter how you love him. It matters if he ever has the balls to tell his girlfriend that he's cheating on her. In most cases, the old beau will win the war but that comes with a condition that provided you're not selfish and you won't make it too available for him. After all, what was he thinking to hold some other girl's hand, say 'I love you' to you and make you wait for months.? Months.?! Then again, don't be selfish. What you had was in the past. Think of the other girl too. Pity her if you must and remember that he could do the same thing to you too. So, really listen to what he had to say. You've listened. Now, observe his actions. For all you know, he's saying 'I love you' to that girl too.


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





Tuesday, April 27, 2010 4:41 PM
The Back-Up Plan




I just watched this. Gerek to the max. You know, Zoe reminded so much of me. I imagined me as Zoe and Stan as Md. Ridwan. I tend to push any guy away. All I need to do was to learn how to trust my boyfriend. Just like Zoe took a big step to trust Stan. I guessed I have to believe that if he said that he would stay, he would. If he said he loved me, he really did. Like Zoe, I tend to push men away because they were just incapable of showing any signs that they even care. & the easiest way out was to leave them. Wrong.! If you touch their heart, there's no looking back. Don't let any wrong choice of words destroy something beautiful.

In my defense, I'm allowed to be scared.


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





1:24 PM
Madonna and me


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Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you
What it feels like for a girl

Strong inside but you don't know it
Good little girls they never show it
When you open up your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak

Hurt that's not supposed to show
And tears that fall when no one knows
When you're trying hard to be your best
Could you be a little less

- My favourite parts from Madonna's What It Feels Like To Be A Girl.

Pretty much sums up what I feel. Madonna, my hero.!


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





Monday, April 26, 2010 10:26 PM
Temporary


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When you feel like your world is crumbling down, talk to them. When you feel alone, talk to them. When you feel like crying, they will make you laugh till tears of happiness came rolling down your cheeks. At least, that's what I did. What I felt was purely out of anger. I just need them to knock sense into my head. What they said could be true. Patience is my key to everything now. Breathe.! Wipe your tears, Amalia. You don't need those tears to solve issues. I felt useless at times and there were times that I could not even lift myself up. Like just now, and almost all the time, I gave up. Then I picked myself up again, forced a smile and let it go.

I gave in too much. Then again, if I never, who will.? Att told me her story and I almost wanted to cry. It's true. We could wait for hours, console if we must, but there would be a time when a girl just stop and never look back. Then, people would blame her for leaving, but they never thought of the strength she built with every tear she let out and every effort she made to stop her tears.

I was told that what I felt was temporary. Out of anger, out of disappointment. Well said, my friends. Minor argument, why waste happiness on that.? Go deeper, you'll be surprised. Well, I was surprised by what they told me. :)


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





11:57 AM
Housekeeping


TAGGIES.! I'm so sorry I'm being rude so as to reply tags this late. I should make it a habit to reply immediately. Or I'm just used to having no tagboard before I re-opened this page.

elfi : HELLO back.!!! i know this elfi or u're a diff elfi.?

elias : durh uh.! tu lah.. it's a tool to vent you know. not like u, blog kau aku boleh letak maggot kat dalam.

desi : yerlah love.

dee : k conpuse. this is d dk putri or another dee.? hmm... thank u yea. appreciate it much. wad u said was true. i especially like it when u said, 'No matter how much it might hurt you, you'll fight with every strength you've got left. But there will come a time when you've fallen & you've got zero strength to pick yourself up.' Nice.!

reader: Hahah.! ok, didn't expect that question at all. Of course lah jealous. I would be lying and not a human being at all if I say I don't care. But I know that she's my friend and he's my boyfriend and I trust them both. Though sometimes it could be annoying but I take close pictures with a guy too. I control my jealousy, just don't push it further. After all, I have feelings.

Done accepting 160 plus requests on Facebook two days ago, and 43 requests just before I logged into blogger. Thank you for requesting and I'm sorry if I did not reply chat on Facebook. I haven't figured out how to reply them through iTouch or I was just logging in to update status and then off to bed.

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It's annoying that Channel 5 had to air TV shows I had already spent ours watching on my laptop. Speaking of laptop, Macbook is back.! Boyfriend returned it to me because I need to do some stuff. Ugly Betty became cantik at last but I thought that since the show was cut, the writer squeezed in a lot of stuffs in one ep. Typical solution to any writer's block. Drop Dead Diva is hell good.! I wrote about it a long time ago. If you haven't catch it. Go ahead.!

I should be blogging soon. Still waiting for pictures.

'Do not threaten. He'll eventually leave when he's sick and tired of you threatening.' Like I said on Facebook before, don't push anyone away if you don't really want to lose that person.


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





Saturday, April 24, 2010 2:53 AM
Can kenal-kenal.?


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Because that's love right.? When you know somebody better than they do, and when you'd do anything to protect them. I had listed 23 things to note about the boy but do I really know him.? I still want to know everything there is to know about him. Will you let me, dear.? I am myself when I am with him but I am myself when I'm with my close friends too. What's the diff then.? It's just that I realized that I am still scared to open up to my own boyfriend. In fact, I don't like to share secrets. Hey, I'm learning. I'm learning to reveal myself to someone I would love to trust. If he lets me, I want to know him better.

A step at a time.


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.





Friday, April 23, 2010 12:04 AM
Rant


No pictures.? I haven't figured out how to bluetooth stuffs into his laptop. A total windows noob. So far, I had been occupied with work and perdana trainings at nights. I get tired easily and need to stuff myself with vitamin c because I'm already coughing. Got it from people around me I guess.

I had been meaning to lash out my thoughts because that's the only way for me to do my own reflection. But reality check, I had no privacy before. It's ok. I still have my friends to rant to but I had recently learnt that girls talk could leak out. I was also scared of giving such information that could change the perception of another. What I'm trying to say here is that, I'm scared and I very much could crumble at any time.

I put on a facade. To be seen as strong, tough, superior, a great personality but nobody knows my real flaw except for one person. Still, I could not accept the fact that that one person could point it out to me as if he could read me like a book. Even I am still getting to know my own habits. Behind all the qualities I never imagined I could have, I am actually a coward. So timid that I had to be ignorant. I am so stubborn that even if I know that I am at fault, I would still find something to defend myself.

I could be a coward right there again, ignore and leave. That's what I do best. Karma is such a bitch. I hate that whatever I had done before came back. Still, I had to accept what's best for me. The words are still stuck in my head. "Perempuan kalau dah terluka akan ingat sampai bila-bila," Mama said. I hate it when she's right. Then again, why stay.?

Oh, I have my answer. I know why I still haven't left him. Not because of family, not because of love (do i even know what's that.?), not because of embarrassment, not because of anything but my own choice. I stayed because I chose to stay. I chose someone who could tell me right in the face, dare to say what were my fucking mistakes even though it hurts a lot.! I need a smack right there because I hadn't realized it but I also didn't expect anyone to be daring enough to say those words. I saluted him but at the same time, I loathe him for making me reflect. I hate doing reflections.!

Someone asked me for an advice before. If you cry a lot, does that mean that something is wrong.? I answered her on MSN, "Everyone has the right to cry. You'll only know if it doesn't work out if you are just too tired to fix everything together. You can solve a problem, but are you willing to do it.? If you are, it means, there's nothing wrong with it." & then I'm just going to say that to myself now.

Nobody can help me find an answer because only I am the one going through it. Anyone could give suggestions but only I know what is right for myself. I am more cautious of my words now and I am trying my best. I won't say something just to sound that I am capable of doing things and then hurt somebody else.

Reflection done. I am sad now. Scared actually. Listening to 'Try' doesn't help but the lyrics made an impact. 'Cause we're asking one another to change. Maybe I'm not ready but I am trying for your love'.

I need help.! A little assurance will do. I'm tired of breaking down again. Stress.!


Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.






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